Once Upon A Time: Charming & Snow Reunite and That Damn Sleeping Beauty Continues to be Worthless

This week on Once Upon A Time, Emma and Snow try to find their way home, Charming, Regina, and Gold team up, and Sleeping Beauty really screws the pooch. Again. God, she’s worthless.
The show starts off with Aurora telling Snow and Emma that she met Henry in her hell dreams. They convince her it’s a great idea to go back into those dreams because since she can communicate with Henry, she can ask him to find out to defeat Cora from Gold.
In Storybrooke, Henry wakes up to tell an elated Charming that Snow and Emma are alive.
Elsewhere, Cora arrives just as Hook drops off the beanstalk. She’s smiling but it’s totally an I-want-to-rip-your-tongue-out-of-your-mouth-and-strangle-you-with-it kinda smile. Can I just take a moment to insert that Barbara Hershey’s face is out of control? Cuz it totally is. Moving on, she is not happy he betrayed her, but he gives her the sex eye and moves a little closer. I squeeze my eyes shut and scream at the though of that sexy pretty boy and that crone making it, but she’s not impressed. She doesn’t kill him though, instead feeling the best torture is for her to go to the other world without him.
Meanwhile, Aurora takes another nappy poo and meets Henry. She tells him what she need and he wakes up and tells Charming and Regina that Snow and Emma are ok, but that Cora is trying to come to their world.
Aurora wakes up and tells them she made contact and they just have to wait. They plan to have her nap time in two hours. She agrees, but that overprotective lil minx Mulan ain’t having it when she sees Aurora’s arm covered in burns. Points to Aurora when she stands her ground and says Prince Phillip died saving her and it’s her turn to help save someone now. I cheer at the same time I’m rolling my eyes. This chick has proven herself to be completely useless up to now, and I have zero faith in her. But hey, maybe she’ll surprise me. Probably not. But who knows? I do. She’ll fail.
Regina goes to Gold and tells him that Cora is coming and now that he has a weakness (Belle, who I find annoying) he needs to help her. Gold tells Henry that to stop Cora they need the ink from the curse Cinderella helped Charming and Snow use against him before. It is still in the jail cell they had him in before.
Back in fairy tale world, Cora awakens the dead villagers with her creepy, super pretty heart thing, and sends them after the girls. Gross and scary. Eek!
Meanwhile Aurora takes another nap and meets with Henry. And of course, she screws it all up. She can’t hear a damn thing he’s saying and then gets distracted by someone calling her name. Is she a fucking 2 yr old? You can’t focus for thirty fucking seconds?! Ugh! I freaking knew it!
It was that idiot Mulan hollering her name and waking her up because the zombies were there. I don’t know why because she is no help at all, and in fact squeaks and stumbles away, hands covering her face in fear. They should have left her sleepy ass alone, and the zombies would have stumbled right by her. Mulan takes Aurora and makes a run for it, totally leaving Emma and Snow to fend for themselves. Then Mulan gets distracted when a zombie grabs her foot. So obviously Aurora gets kidnapped while Snow and Emma are being badasses, and Mulan was distracted. How did I know this would happen? Because she’s a total idiot!
So, back in Storybrooke, Henry wakes up and tells them what happened.he looks real effing crazy and Regina’s like what your problem. Turns out, the little cutie pie has arm burns too. Oh snap!
Regina and Charming refuse to endanger Henry anymore now that they know Henry is in danger there. Plus, with Aurora just disappearing, they are not even sure she will be there to talk to Henry.
In FTW (I’m really tired of writing out fairy tale world. So FTW it will be. Plus it makes me giggle. FTW. Teehee. Also, Storybrooke will just be SB), Cora sends a big ass crow to relay a message. I’m like how the eff is that gonna go down, when duh. It lands on Snow’s shoulder and she absolutely understands its open mouth breathing. Nice talent…
So basically, they have until sundown to give Cora the compass or she kills Aurora. I say, aww too bad. Oh well! But again, Mulan is against that line of thought. Which I think is kinda funny since she was obvsies in love with Phillip too. But whatevs. Snow volunteers to send herself back to the hell dream to meet with Henry, but they need ingredients for Mulan’s sleeping powder. They travel there under Mulan’s protest. But no one cares what she wants.
Back in SB, Charming realizes Snow will go into the netherworld and he will meet her there. He asks them to place him under a sleeping curse, knowing that Snow will wake him up with true loves kiss. Because they always find each other. Aww. So Regina whips one right up like the evil witch she is, but promises Henry she really is trying to be worthy of his love. It’s a nice moment.
Back in FTW (teehee), Cora tries to bring Aurora some soup and bribe her with the possibility of finding Phillip’s soul and bringing it back to her. Aurora kicks the soup at her and tells her to suck it, because her loyalties aren’t so easily turned. Good for her! Maybe she’s worth something after all. 🙂 unfortunately for her, Cora knocks her the fuck out!
Hook shows up a little later and frees her because he wants to spite Cora. Plus, he wants a message sent to Emma, that their deal still stands. Yay! I like him and Emma much better than that gross that is Henry’s dad.
So, Snow goes sleepy time, and sure enough, Phillip finds his way through the netherworld to her, and they are too damn cute for words. It’s all lovey dovey, I will always find you, and sweetness. Love! So, he tells her about Gold’s plan, and she worries that he’s placed himself in danger. He smiles tenderly, and tells her he’s not, because she can save him with true love’s kiss, just likes he saved her all those years ago. He leaps across the fire into her arms and almost falls right through her. She’s waking up, and isn’t corporeal anymore. She starts crying but he tells her he believes in her. He knows she will find her way back to him, because they always do. She worries that they also are always torn apart, and thinks its their destiny. He tells her to have faith, that he will only believe that they are MTB. She disappears, and my adorable prince is left alone, stuck in hell dream. Aww.
Snow wakes up frantic, desperate to go back, but there’s no more powder. There’s also no more Mulan, because that sneaky bitch stole the compass and ran off to try and save Aurora. Too bad Snow is the baddest bitch in FTW, and finds her immediately, and shoots an arrow right past her face. She then tackles her and presses the arrow point to Mulan’s throat. Mulan tells her she better be prepared to use it, because she won’t let her risk Aurora’s life. And Snow totally starts to stab her, but Aurora arrives and stops her. She tells them about Hook freeing her and then passes on his message to Emma, but totally paraphrases and kinda romantics it up. Then we see it’s effing Cora, using a heart that Hook stole to control her and her speech. They didn’t show it, but I am assuming Hook took it from Aurora while she was knocked out. Eek and damn it. Well, so much for the temporary insanity that made me think Aurora wasn’t a waste of space. And Hook betrayed me! This will be hard to forgive, but I will try my best. Shit looks like it’s about to go down next week, so I can’t wait! Til then, I’ll tell you about my other boyfriend, Revenge. 🙂

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