The Walking Dead: A Visit From an Old, Stupid Friend, and Not Enough Walker Kills

The episode starts with everyone freaking out and arguing about what to do. Hershel, and Merle think it’s time to get the hell out of dodge. But no one gives a flying fuck what Merle wants, which is why his loopy ass is locked in a cell. Rick, Glen, and Daryl aren’t ready to leave their home. Rick proclaims they’re staying put and starts to walk away, but Hershel gets real loud in the mouth, and hollers at Rick to bring his ass back there. He tells him that he understands he’s fucked in the head, and they all understand why. But truth is, shit’s getting crazy and they don’t need their Looney Toon ass leader to add his own brand of crazy to the mix. Rick walks away, and goes out to check the fields. As he’s looking through the binoculars, he sees a flutter of white and thinks he sees Lori. He looks again, but there’s nothing there. That’s because she’s dead, dope. Carl comes outside and tells his dad that he needs to resign as the leader, because he obviously needs a nap. And therapy.

Over in Woodbury, the Governor is having himself a little strategic pow wow with his nerdy friend, Milton. They’re figuring out how many able-bodied men and women they have in town. The Governor wants children ages 13 and up included in those numbers. Once he gets the numbers, he wants them armed and trained.

Andrea comes in and confronts the Governor about his attack on the prison. He denies it and claims he went there to make peace and her friends shot at them without cause. She insisted on going to see them at the prison, and he told her that if she did, to stay there. Ouch. So, can you wake up now, you blonde idiot?

She goes outside and sees Karen arguing with the soldiers, because they want her asthmatic 14-year-old son to fight. Andrea asked why Rodriguez was talking about fighting when they were supposedly only training for self-defense. Even he is sick of her obliviousness and told her to wake the hell up. It’s war bitch, and they need an army.

Back at the prison, they are still arguing about what to do. They are worried because they are running out of food and water. Glen also points out that with scumbag Merle with them, he creates a liability. Daryl gets upset, and tells him to deal with it, because they’re a package deal. He storms upstairs and Hershel goes to chat with Merle. He tells him about Rick saving all their lives and that Merle needs to act right. How cute. And pointless, but whatevs.

In Woodbury, the Governor talks to his new recruits, and ignores Andrea’s pleas to be reasonable. She notices that they are welding the doors out of Woodbury closed. She goes to Milton and asks him to help her sneak out of town, because the Governor’s obviously nuts. He agrees after some persuasion, but then goes straight to the Governor and snitches. What a pussy. The Governor tells him to go ahead and help her.

Over at the prison, Carol and Daryl share a cute moment together. She tells him that Merle might be his brother, but that he’s no good for him. She points out how far Daryl has come without Merle, and they giggle after looking around at the cell. Goofy little lovebirds.

In the woods, Andrea and Milton capture a walker and chop its arms off and breaks off its jaw so she can have a walker on a stick like Michonne used to. While they’re doing that, those damn randoms from the prison show up. Milton offers to take them to Woodbury. That’s no good. Rick’s mental break tantrum will definitely come back to bite them in the ass. Andrea goes on to the prison, and the randoms leave with Milton. Sigh.

Andrea makes her way to the prison, and doesn’t exactly get the greeting she was hoping for. They throw her up against the wall and frisk her. They are very distrustful of her and she’s an idiot because she can’t believe they would be. She explains that she didn’t know Glen and Maggie were there or what was done to them until after they attacked Woodbury. When Glen accuses her of taking her sweet time to come find them, she insists she came as soon as possible. She begs them to drop this fight with the Governor, and insists that Woodbury is a nice town, filled with nice people. Michonne watches her from afar, with the ultimate face of disgust.

Andrea talks to Carol and she tells her a little about what happened with Shane, Lori, and T-Dog. She also tells Andrea that she needs to go back to Woodbury, let the Governor put his P in her VaGee, and when he’s swooning from delight, gank his ass. But it’s sooooo been there, done that, right Andy? Little does Carol know, Andrea let the Governor stick a fork in her within 2 days of meeting each other. Before she leaves, Andrea accuses Michonne of poisoning everyone against Woodsbury and Phillip. Michonne is basically like, “Bitch, please. You have been so blinded by the dick that you chose him over your best friend. I went back to expose the truth about him so you could wake the fuck up.” Obviously her plan didn’t work, because Andrea is still planning to go back. She walks away from Michonne only to freeze when Michonne confesses that the Governor sent Merle to kill her. She walks away after dropping that bomb, leaving Andrea crying in the courtyard. Even so, Andrea persists in being a moron, and goes back to Woodbury.

In Woodbury, the randoms are receiving a warm welcome from the Governor. He tells them they can eat and stay the night, and then be on their way the next day. Just stay away from the northeast, because there are some dangerous folk that way. The one whose wife died tells them they already ran into some nutjob at a prison. The Governor’s psycho radar starts beeping, and those bastard randoms offer to help them go up against the prison crew if it means they can earn their place in town. The Governor welcomes them in. Meanwhile, Andrea arrives back at Woodbury and tells the Governor that she went to see her friends at the prison, but she came back for him. He tells her its because she knows she belongs with him. They make out and do the sex. It’s gross, so I thank the TV Gods for avoiding that scene. When the Governor swoons from delight, Andrea gets up and gets an army knife Rick gave her before she left. She stands naked over the Governor, ready to murder him, but stares at his grotesque face and form, and rather than be motivated to kill him horribly, she gets emotional and leaves him alone. She stands at the window and stares outside. Because that’s what useless idiots do. Stare vacantly while psychotic, one-eyed pirates terrorize the world.

Back at the prison, Rick seems to be a little less wackadoo. He’s holding Lil’ Ass Kicker, and everyone else is hovering around a little fire in their cellblock. Hershel’s youngest daughter decided it was high time for a Kumbaya moment and sang a random song that I’ve never heard. She has a pretty voice, but I was still like what’s happening right now. No one joined in, so I’m assuming they too were clueless about her song choice. I also assumed that they were like, poor little idiot, and just smiled and listened as she sang. Rick took this time to completely ignore her and tell Hershel that he was leaving Daryl in charge while he, Michonne, and Carl went on a run.

The End.

Kind of anticlimactic, but that’s ok. I do need to see a lot more walker killing. So hopefully next week’s episode will provide that.

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