Once Upon A Time: Lines Are Crossed, And I Totally Saw It Coming

So this week’s OUAT was pretty interesting. Some real messed up shit happens, and I got to say, I totally saw it coming.

So let’s get the flashbacks out of the way first. Belle flashbacks to her time after leaving Rumple and before Regina catches her. She is yearning for adventure but too scared to go after it. Dreamy talks her into it, and gives her some fairy dust to help her on her way. She is determined to help the hunting party, consisting of the drunk biker dude that Bella rides away with on New Moon) and some other randoms. I was sure it would be Gaston, but nope. Just a random. So they are chasing after some monster that looks pretty bad ass. He’s like a giant pit bull lion with a fire head. So yeah, picture that. Anyway, the group lets her go with them, but they totally mock her for reading. She’s using a book in a foreign language to help her track the beast. The hunters convince her to tell them where to look, and then in a real dickhead move, literally kick her out of the wagon, and throw her book in the dirt. She gets up and smirks. She told them to look by the lake, but in reality the beast is in a cave somewhere. Ha! Played! She goes off hunting and finds the cave. She looks real scared, and I am in agreement with her. She should be scared. She has no talent and a fucking steak knife to defend herself. Good job.

And in the rookie of all rookie moves, she steps on a damn twig. Sure enough, the beast heard her and comes flying out. She runs for her mother effin life and luckily before she gets eaten, something saves her. It’s Mulan! Yay! Wait. Mulan pretty much tells her she’s an idiot, she screwed up her hunt, she’s been tracking for months, and to stay the hell out of her way. Belle’s like, um I found it in a matter of hours. Mulan’s like Oh. Well whatever, stay away. So Belle’s big adventure sucked. She goes back to town, and those randoms confront her all angry. They know she lied about the lake and the beast, and proceed to try and drop her headfirst down a well. Well damn. Kinda harsh. Once again, she is saved by Mulan. This time, Mulan tells Belle that she is an awesome tracker and they should hunt the beast together. Yay for girl power! Also, I’m pretty sure Mulan spent all damn day wandering around in the woods and couldn’t find shit so she didn’t really have a choice. But whatever.

Sure enough, by nightfall Belle has tracked the beast to a field where he is apparently tracing patterns and drawing on the floor with his fire hair. Gotta have fun some how, right? Belle lures him into town, and corners herself. I was like, um, idiot, you’re going to get flambeed and eaten. But surprise! The beast runs up on her and she cuts a pipe or something that shoots water onto the beast’s head, putting out his, um, head. So now he’s just a big ass, dry, pit bull lion. He writes something in the dirt with his claw and Belle translates it to mean help. That’s one educated ass monster. She uses the handy fairy dust and sprinkles it on the beast. Um, what if it gets like super powered from that? Oh well, let’s find out. Hey look! It’s Prince Phillip! Yay! He explains that Maleficent put a spell on him to keep him from Aurora, his one true love. Yeah, Phillip, remember that later on. Aurora is your one true love, not Mulan. I saw the way he looked behind him and said I love you before he died. It was real ambiguous, and he could have been talking to Mulan or Aurora or both. Unacceptable! Don’t change my fairy tales, OUAT! Anyway, Belle takes the Prince to meet Mulan, who looks dazzled. I can’t blame her, he’s pretty damn cute. Pretty sure he’s from Pretty Little Liars. I could be wrong. Anyway, they go off alone and Belle goes to find Rumple and convince him to be good. Too bad Regina takes her immediately. Belle yells that she will never give up on him.

Present day, Henry is super depressed because of Dr. Hopper’s death. Emma can’t get through to him and is worried. Regina is still missing. To top it all off, everyone wants to know what to do. The dwarves and a lot of the other townspeople want to go back home to Fairytale Land, because they are worried with the curse broken that outsiders will come to town and discover them. Snow wants to stay with Emma, but Charming seems like he wants to go back too. Uh oh. He argues that with Cora in power there, they need to go back and fight to reclaim their land. But Snow is tired of fighting, and feels they’ve fought enough. Snow wonders if they want different things. Yikes.

Rumple has Smee out by the town borderline, and is threatening to shove him over. He pours a potion on his hat and shoves Smee over the line. Smee doesn’t forget his fairytale life at all. Rumple found the cure. The potion poured on the person’s most treasured possession will protect them from losing their fairytale personas when crossing the line. Rumple’s ecstatic, because he can go look for his son now. He tells Belle the good news, and she’s very happy for him. She also looks prettier than usual, so kudos to her. He doesn’t have enough potion for both of them, so he tells her he has to go alone. She’s supportive. She heads to the library to work, and suddenly Hook shows up. He tells her he’s looking for Rumple, and then tells her he’s going to take away something priceless. He lunges at her but she runs for her mother effin life, again. She shoves a bookcase on him, and makes it to the magical elevator, that takes way too long to open in my opinion. Also, I am less than impressed with Hook as a villain  Kind of inept and lame. But hot. Belle calls Rumple for help, but their connection is lousy because, duh, she’s in an elevator. But he makes out enough and comes to save her. Hook has disappeared. Rumple and Belle go back to his shop, only to find it in shambles, and Rumple’s most treasured possession (Bey’s cloak) missing. Rumple demands Belle stay in the library and hide while he goes after Hook. When she asks what’s Hook’s problem, Rumple tries to evade, but no dice. He finally gives her a watered down version of the story, minus the part where he killed Mila. Unimportant tidbit.

He finds Smee, confronts him about the theft, and turns him into a rat. Hmm, maybe not as evil as before since he didn’t kill him. Good job, Belle.

Speaking of which, she found a piece of knotted rope in the library that came from Hook. She goes out in search of him, and wanders down an empty dock. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I was looking for a boat, if I saw an empty dock I wouldn’t walk all the way to the end of the pier anyway. What the hell is the point of that? It’s not like a boat will magically appear in front of me. Oh wait. That’s exactly what happens. Ok well, can we all at least agree that it doesn’t make sense?

ANYWAY, Belle hears creaking and looks to the side and sees some seagulls land on the air. There just happens to, conveniently, be a box of sand beside her (whaaaaat?) and she throws it to the side and sees the outline of the boat. She climbs the invisible steps, seemingly without a problem. Once on board, it becomes visible to her, and she finds Dr. Hopper. She frees him, but they hear someone in the ship. She makes him leave and tells him to find Gold and tell him where she is. She stays to find Bey’s cloak for Rumple. She’s looking and Hook is behind her like, “Looking for this?”. She confronts him and he tells her about Rumple killing Mila. She doesn’t believe it, but then it’s like she doesn’t give a flying fuck.

He lunges at her but she pushes a hanging pipe or something at him and he falls. Wow. I am really unimpressed with him. She grabs the cloak and books it to the deck. Too bad he’s right in front of her. Thankfully, Rumple shows up and saves her. He proceeds to beat the ever lovin’ crap out of Hook. Belle stops him from killing him, and they leave together.

Meanwhile, Emma shows up with Pongo for Henry. It cheers him up and Snow is proud of Emma. But she also worries that there’s not enough room for all of them. They decide to find a house together. But Charming admits he’d rather go back to Fairytale land. Yikes. Archie shows up, and Henry is relieved to see Dr. Hopper alive. They tell everyone that it wasn’t Regina, but Cora and Hook who grabbed him (Where the hell is Cora anyway?). They’re like, Oh snap.

Rumple and Belle head to the town line so he can leave. He casts the spell on the cloak and Belle wraps it around his neck. They kiss and she tells him she will wait for him, because she loves him and she knows he’ll come back for her. The camera keeps focusing on the town line, which she is just barely an inch away from. They are on either side of the line, and I just know some shit is about to go down. I screamed at the TV, “Move, bitch! You idiot, you’re going to fall over there!” But no one ever listens to me on TV. Le sigh.

And what do you know. Hook pops up behind Belle, shoots her in the back, and she falls into Rumple’s arms, and over the line. She’s gasping for life, and also totally doesn’t know who she is anymore. She’s just the crazy lady she was in Storybrooke. Oh snap! Double snap! I freaking knew it.
Poor Rumple is heartbroken because it can’t be reversed. Hook taunts him, and tells him to kill him. Maybe he doesn’t suck as a villain as much as I thought he did. Rumple forms a fireball of death in his hand to hurl at Hook, but some crazy, drunk out-of-towner comes plowing down the street, almost mowing them down. Rumple scoops up Belle and rolls her out of harms way. Kinda too late for her, but whatevs. The camera zooms in on the out of state license plate. Strangers in Storybrooke!!! Strangers in Storybrooke!!! Triple snap!!

Stay tuned for next week’s episode recap 🙂

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