Once Upon A Time: Regina Gets Screwed, So Does Snow…Wink Wink Nudge Nudge

This episode was pretty good. Snow and Charming were all love in the morning, which was too bad for Emma and Henry, who walked in on them in bed. But um…their bed is in the middle of the living room. You guys didn’t think maybe that could backfire terribly? LOL Anyway, they traumatized their daughter, so at least they gave her one normal experience from her parents. Then they huddled back under the covers, with Emma and Henry like 4 feet away in the kitchen. No walls or anything between them. Good for them. I guess. In a super inapprops and gross way.

Meanwhile, Cora and Hook snuck into town like some real creeps, and turned some overly friendly random into a damn fish and kicked him into the harbor. Gotta say, I like their style. Cora lays a reality smackdown on Hook when he acts all tough guy and says he’s off to kill Gold. She’s like, “Hey stupid, did you not just see me make that random a fish? Yeah, that means there’s magic in town, and a magical Rumple is no one to fucks with.” Hook was like “Oh snapple, that’s right.” And quickly fell in line. Liking Cora’s take charge attitude. They slink into town after hiding Hooks ugly ole boat, determined to see what’s what with Regina.
Over at Granny’s, the townspeople are having their welcome home party, and having a grand ole time. Until Regina shows up with some lasagna. Everyones all “Kill her!” but turns out, she was invited. By Emma. Say whaaaat? Apparently, Emma really wants to keep the peace for Henry’s sake, so she invited Regina to participate. But while Emma and Snow are well-loved and popular, Regina is stuck at the table all alone, totally ignored. Now, while I am a total root-for-the-underdog kinda gal, I totally get why people hate Regina. She’s pretty fucking evil. But I felt bad for her. She takes off but Emma chases her and tells her to stay for cake. Regina thanks her for inviting her. Then she asks if maybe Henry can come hang at her house one night, maybe sleep over. Emma’s like “Whoa, chillax. I don’t trust you that much.” And Regina pulls out her bitch flag and waves it real hard. She tells her that Emma isn’t a mother and has no idea what she’s doing. That SHE is Henry’s mother and has been for the last 10 years. Emma pulls back and is like oh hell no. Regina apologizes and swears she’s trying to change. Emma tells her she only invited her to the party because the counselor (Jiminy Cricket) told her that Regina came to him for help with changing. Regina doesn’t say anything but you can tell she is super pissed to hear about that. I would be too. Privacy Act anyone?
Anyway, Emma goes back to the party, and Regina goes home, sad and alone.
Cora and Hook are spying like a bunch of creepazoids and are like, “She’s almost broken. Let’s finish it off.” Weird-Os!!!.
The next day, Regina confronts the therapist about telling Emma her business. He promises no details were given but she is pissed and they argue. That night, Regina goes to see him again and apologizes. She says she wants help but when he turns around, she grabs him, chokes him out, and magic kills him. She leaves, and walks to an alley and turns into Cora. That slag! And just as she plans, Ruby saw her going into the doctor’s office, so now there’s a witness.
Oh yeah, in the meantime there have been all these flashbacks to Regina and Snow and Charming in Fairytale Land. Apparently, at some point after beating Regina’s army, Snow and Charming lured her into a trap and captured her. Charming and the council decided to execute Regina, but Snow wasn’t sure it was right. Right before her execution, Regina gave a speech about being sorry about the misery, the deaths, and the attempts of Snow’s life. She was sorry she hadn’t caused more misery, caused more deaths, and most of all, she was sorry she hadn’t succeeded in killing Snow. Oh snap! Double snap! She’s a real fierce bitch. Love it!
Charming was pissed and ordered the archers to fire, but Snow yelled for them to stop. She couldn’t go through with it, because Regina hadn’t always been bad. Rumple showed up and said he had a plan to test Regina to see if she was capable of change. Snow went to see Regina in her cell and told her she was freeing her. That she could be a good person again, she just needed someone to believe in her. Then she unlocked the cell and let Regina out. Regina was real quick to choke Snow out, steal her dagger and stab her in the stomach. Too bad it was a test and she failed miserably. Rumple had put a protection spell on Snow and Charming, and Regina could never, ever harm or kill them in this world. Regina had proved her inability to be good, and Snow and Charming banished her. Snow was sad, but promised that they were even now, and that if Regina ever hurt someone in her kingdom again, she would kill Regina herself. Badass. Also, can I just saw how much prettier Snow looks in the past. She needs to grow her hair back out, and slap on some bright lipstick again.
Anywho, Pongo, that dalmatian from the therapist’s office shows up and starts barking all crazy at Emma. Ruby runs out and talks mutt with Pongo and tells Bella there’s a problem. They go and find the doctor all dead and stuff. Sad. Ruby tells her about Regina, and she’s arrested. When Emma tells Regina about it, she looks genuinely shocked. Emma believes her, but Snow and Charming are convinced it’s bullshit.
Emma tells her there’s too much evidence, and it smells like a setup. Duh. They accuse Gold, who is like, nope! He tells Emma she has magic in her, and to use her own magic to find the truth. With his help, she gets Pongo’s memory of that night, and sees Cora disguised as Regina kill the doc. So now they think they have proof of Regina’s guilt. Emma confronts her at her house, and Regina maintains her innocence. Emma mentions how sad Henry will be when he finds out, and Regina gets pissed and tells her she won’t let her turn her son against her. (That was a lot of “hers”…Did you follow? lol) Just then, they try to use the same spell on Regina that they used to capture her. Too bad she just waves her hand and the spell is useless. She mocks their stupidity and then she hurls Emma’s ass across the lawn like a rag doll. Ouch. But Emma’s triumphant. Regina just proved she hadn’t changed at all. Regina looks shocked and saddened, before disappearing in a magical smokey vortexy thing.
Emma is sad to be wrong, but has to tell Henry the truth. Regina watches in the side mirror of her car as Emma breaks the news to Henry about the murder and Regina’s part in it. Regina sobs as Henry falls apart.
On Hook’s boat, Cora tells Hook that the next step in their plan is ready. She has someone who knows all of the town’s secrets. She opens a cellar, and there is the therapist! He’s totes alive. For now anyway.  Cora says she transformed some poor sap’s body to look like Jiminy’s. Well, hot damn!
And that’s how that ended. So yeah.
Stay tuned for my next post!!!

 

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