The episode picks up right where it left off; Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Oscar are in the bushes outside Woodberry, plotting their next move. Andrea is still being Idiot McSlutberry, cozying up to the creepiest serial killer ever. Also, some randoms are running from walkers. They clearly don’t have the skills of our usual cast of awesomes, and so obviously one of them gets bit. I mean, really though, it’s her own fault. She couldn’t lagged more behind if she had laid down on the floor and taken a nap. She basically stood there while one bit her arm. She deserves to walk around with rotted flesh and matter hair, and bad teeth. And ripped clothes. And missing limbs. Making real creepy stupid noises. Looking like a real hot mess. So yeah. She totally got bit, but they dragged her along. The one chick was like, “Nope. Leave that bitch behind or put her out of her misery. She gon’ get us killed.” But her husband is a pussy and totally felt bad for her. Welp. She’s gonna eat them all. Who cares. Randoms.
Sidebar, I think they ended up in the back of the prison. Snap! I could be totally wrong. But maybe not. Probably not. I’m super smart. And intuitive… So anyway, back to people we actually care about. Well, kinda. Glen and Maggie are sitting on the floor, reflecting over their shitass luck. Glen gave her his shirt like a gentleman. Aww. He asked her if she was raped, but she promised she wasn’t. Then he proceeded to creep me the fuck out by walking over to the dead walker and ripping it’s arm off, then breaking it, then pulling out the bones for weapons. Smart, but super fucking gross.
Andrea went to be a useless moron somewhere else, and the Governor went to visit is super dead daughter. She is a walker, and its real frackin disturbing to see a kiddie zombie. But he puts on the radio, and sings to her. He opens her cage (HER CAGE!) and lets her out. She rushes at him, but alas, he has her on a kiddie leash. A chain link kiddie leash. Nice upgrade. Anyway, he tries to keep singing, but she’s real disgusting to look at, and after screaming in her brain dead face, he throws the bag back over her face and locks her up again. Didn’t even give her the steak he brought. Good. It’s a waster of a perfectly fine steak. Moron. Also, the backdrop to that room is the icky fishbowls of heads. Shudder. He leaves his sanctuary of weird and tells Merle that need to clear out the prison, kill Rick’s group, and kill Glen and Maggie before Andrea finds them. What a piece of shit. Back at the prison, the creepy hillbilly inmate is staring at Maggie’s younger sister like a real fucking perv. Carol sees it, and warns him away from her. He tells her he’s been
in prison for a long time, and with Maggie linked up with Glen and Carol being a lesbian, it’s slim pickin’s. She tells him she’s not a lesbian, which he assumed because of her hair. I must admit, I don’t blame him. But when he acts like he’s shifted interest, she shuts him down quick like. HAHAHA.
Back in Woodberry, Michonne has found a way in, and the Trio of Badassery plus Oscar make their way around. They have to knock out some old dude who finds them, but no biggie. Just then, Merle shows up to kill Glen and Maggie. They attack with their bones and wouldn’t you know, Maggie manages to shiv one of them in the throat while Glen fails when faced with Merle. Granted, although Merle lost an arm, he replaced with a fucking machete, so it’s tricky business trying to get the upper hand with him. Hearing the gunfire and the ruckus, the Trio make their
way over their, and before they can be assassinated, Daryl and Rick throw smoke bombs, shoot a couple a guys, and save Glen and Maggie. They definitely do the nickname Trio of Badassery proud. I am in love with them. Also, Daryl’s biceps are looking mighty fine tonight…
Anyway! As the Trio plus Oscar, with a side of Glen and Maggie, make their way through Woodberry, the Governor, Merle, Andrea, and the other randoms plan to find them and kill them. The Governor tries to keep Andrea away from the action but she’s even hungrier for action than she is for the dick. Huh. Go figure. Rick and the gang take cover in another building, but Michonne breaks away. She sneaks into the Governor’s house and sits in the chair facing the door, katana in hand. She sure wants to slice and dice him. Teehee. I approve wholeheartedly. In the building, Glen tells Daryl it was Merle who did all this to them. Daryl wants to find his brother, but Rick tells him he needs his help. Daryl chooses Rick. That’s my boo! Then, in a dazzling display of manliness and hotness, Daryl and Rick throw some more smoke bombs, lay some cover fire, and make their way towards the
exit. Daryl bravely offers to stay behind to lay sexy cover fire, so Rick and the gang can escape, and then Daryl will follow. Rick hallucinates seeing Shane for a minute, but it’s not him. WTF, Rick? Goddammit. Is he still crazy?
Over in Pentonville, Hershel, the girl, and He Who Shall Not Be Named are talking. They hear screaming and HWSNBN thinks he’s all brave, and ventures forth. He freezes up at the boiler room door while I hurl profanities at him. This is not the time for a PTSD attack, damnit! Move your ass! A walker shows up and he kills it, and gets moving. Obvsies, it’s the randoms, and I am absolutely fucking correct. I rock. BAM! He saves them, they STILL won’t leave that bitten dead weight behind. Ugh. HWSNBN leads them to safety. Maybe it’s not too late to chop off her arm and save her? We’ll see. It would suck if they did it and it didn’t work. Teehee.
Back in Woodberry, Michonne is still sitting in the dark. I can barely see that bitch. Ninja style. All of a sudden, she hears some banging. Ooooooh shit! She bursts in there and sees the wall o’ heads, floating in their aquariums. Then she sees the cage, and when she opens it, she’s sees the little girl. I would think it’s obvious what that was about, but she thinks he has some poor little baby locked up. She frees her first, then takes the bag off her head. Makes no sense to me, but sure. When she sees what it was, she sure did get ready to kill the crap out of her. The Governor’s tortured scream stopped her. He put his gun down, his hands trembling, about a second away from weeping, his voice shaking with fear, and begged her to leave his baby girl alone. He gave himself up to save her, which would have been touching if it wasn’t so disturbingly gross. He begs her again to let his little girl go, and Michonne’s face goes hard, and she shoves her katana right through the back of the little zombie girl’s head and out her mouth. It was horrible and gross, and also really badass. I gasped out loud, because I really thought she’d let her go.
The Governor lost his shit, and attacked Michonne. They grappled for a good long while, pretty evenly matched until the Governor threw her face first into the aquariums. Wouldn’t you know, those fucking things were still alive! He almost fed her to a head (giggle), but she grabbed a shard of glass and shoved it into his eye. She was about to murder his creepy ass, when a scream pierced the air. There stood Andrea with a gun pointed at Michonne. She asked her what she’d done in an accusing voice, and the betrayal on Michonne’s face was so sad to see. She left, and Andrea ran to the Gov, but he shoved her to the side like yesterday’s garbage and ran to cradle his daughter in his arms. Andrea finally took in the scenery, and saw the fishbowls of heads, and looked like she was creeped out. But she saw her grieving lovah and went to comfort him. I can’t with her anymore. She is officially the Stupidest Bitch in the World. Hate her. I don’t know how they can redeem her character, because she is a fucking moron.
Back in the prison, the randoms and HWSNBN made it to safety. The random chick who got bit died, and whatshisname offered to kill her, but they said they’d take care of their own. While the leader got ready to do it, HE locked the door and wouldn’t let them in the cellblock. The angry random got, well,
angry. But he wouldn’t let her in anyway. Good. She’s irritating as fuck. Also, her hubby didn’t even kill the random walker in the making because he got distracting by his wife embarrassing herself.
Back to stuff I care about, Michonne caught up with Rick and them, but my boo was nowhere to be found. Over in the infirmary, the Governor was being treated, but they don’t think they can save the eye. Um. Duh! There’s a huge freaking shard of glass in it, idiot. Andrea asked him about his Red Room of Pain, and he faked like it helped him remember the horrors of the world. If she bought it, she’s a bigger idiot than I thought. Merle came in, and the Governor gave him the eyes, erm…EYE of death. Oops! Guess he realized Merle lied when he said Michonne was dead. hahaha. Can’t imagine his revenge when Andrea isn’t around.
Oh, wait. Don’t have to imagine it. This dude held a bonfire in the walker gladiator arena, and told everyone that Merle was the inside man that helped the terrorists get in. His soldiers disarmed Merle while the Governor talked. They dragged a captive man with a bag over his head into the arena. The Gov’s proof of Merle’s treachery? His own brother was one of the terrorists!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My boo!!!!! Oh sob!
P.S. I literally screamed no, and held the note that long when I saw my babycakes. Daryl and Merle looked at each other in shock, and Andrea and Daryl stared at each other in shock too. Oh snap! As the crowd cheered for them to kill Daryl and Merle, I wept and begged them not to. I mean, I begged the TV, but that bitch never listens.
Anyway, they ended it just like that. But wait! I have to wait until fucking February for more episodes?! FEBRUARY!?!?!?!?!?! Damn it!!!! Weep. Sob! Grief! So long to wait to see one of my favorite boyfriends! Ugh. I’m sad.
Check back to read my next story about my other boyfriend. I don’t know which one. I’m grieving, and not thinking clearly. Sob!