Hart of Dixie: Zooey Gets a BOYfriend!

On this week’s Hart of Dixie, Zoe wants some romance, but gets it from an unexpected guy, Lemon and Annabeth consider a new business, and Lavon tries to win over Ruby’s crankypants gramps.

It starts off with Zoe waking up to Wade watching cartoons in her bed, munching on the last of her favorite snack in the whole wide world, black and white cookies. Um…excuze moi?! You never eat a girl’s guilty pleasure food, man! Crap, I love Wade, but he is not making smart decisions. He offers to make it up to her with some sexy time but Zoe looks all kinds of pissed. She snaps at him that she needs more than the occasional D in her V, (in much classier words, obvsies) and when Wade asks if she wants romance, with horror on his face and fear in his eyes, she denies it. Unfortunately, I don’t think either one of them buys that crock of shit.

Zoe hightails it to the main house to mooch some food off a delectably shirtless Lavon, who is cooking breakfast for his ladylove, Ruby. He has total “I got some” face, and Zoe is visibly sick to her stomach. Although, not too long ago it was her prancing around with that satisfied smirk and Lavon who was choking back his gag reflex. The Ruby slides in wearing Lavon’s button up and a cat with a bird in her mouth grin…wait. How the hell does that phrase go? Cat who ate the bird? Cat with a feath-no that’s all the way wrong. I know it has cat and bird in it. Damn it!

MOVING ON!

Anyway, that girl looked well-pleased. Then she practically sexed Lavon’s mouth and Zoe looking as uncomfortable as anyone would be watching THAT hot mess would be, started to back out when Ruby stopped swallowing Lavon’s face long enough to invite Zoe to hang out. Remembering Ruby’s sneaky ways and girlfriend betrayal during the mayoral election, Zoe made up a super lame excuse not to, and made her escape. Ruby told Lavon that Zoe still hates her and he comforted her with his luscious lips. Lucky girl!

In Zoe’s office, Brick was being creepily cheerful because he spent time with his lady love, Emily, but when a sick-of-everyone-getting-romance-but-her Zoe made a snarky comment, he hilariously shut her down by telling her he was in a marvelous mood and not to ruin it by talking. I died laughing even as the feminist in me gasped in outrage, before giving in to a little giggle herself. Rose was there as the new intern or receptionist or whatever, and told Zoe all about her new crush on Max, the kicker on Blue Bell’s highschool football team.  The team had a HUGE game coming up but they were all suffering from athlete’s foot. Brick couldn’t make it because he was Skyping with Emily and writing her a poem. Ok then. Zoe volunteered but Brick forbid her from going. FORBID HER!!! Zoe quickly put him in his place as my feminist heart rejoiced, and took off for the school, as Brick’s mood was effectively ruined. Teehee! Serves him right!

Meanwhile, Lemon and Annabeth enjoyed a meal when Lemon broached the subject of starting a catering business together. Unfortunately, Annabeth shot her right now, her voice going oddly squeaking and her eyes getting real shifty. Something’s going on here…

Disappointed, Lemon stomps through town and runs into Lavon and Ruby holding hands and being sickeningly adorable. Too bad it will never last because Lavon and Lemon are obviously MTB all day long. But in the meantime, we’re stuck with Lavuby. Blah. Lemon and Ruby exchange barbs in sweet voices like real classy ladies, then move on. Ruby remarks that there’s another person not happy they’re a couple (don’t forget me!) and Lavon says no one’s opinion matters but their own. That is, until they arrive at Ruby’s grandpa’s house and he sprays Lavon with the hose, soaking him and GASP! Ruining his new suede shoes! For shame, gramps, for shame!

Completely forgetting his earlier words, Lavon swears to Ruby he will charm his way back into her grandpa’s good graces. You can tell it’s not just about Ruby, but about his relationship with a man who he used to care about. They went fishing and did stuff together and it makes Lavon sad that’s gone.

On the lovely streets of Bluebell, Lemon is still walking around and bumps into George, who is carting around a box of liquor. He tells Lemon about the super important party he’s throwing for a judge, and Lemon offers to help. He thanks her, but tells her already hired Annabeth. Whaaaaa?! Lemon is suitably pissed when he tells her about the new catering business Annabeth has started. Lemon rushes right over to the meat market to nonconfrontationally confront her. How the hell did she know where to find her? Damn, that town really is small. They snark at each other, smiles and sweet voices the whole time, hidden meanings in everything they say. Basically, Annabeth wanted something of her own, and is upset that Lemon isn’t more supportive, Lemon is hurt because it was a dream they had together as children and not only did Annabeth do it without her, she lied about it and hid it from her. Things remain unresolved.

At the school, Zoe sprays some gross ass feet all covered in invisible fungus (VOMIT!) and tells the coach the football players should be fine. He points at a mopey mope staring at a picture, and says they won’t stand a chance unless their kicker, Max, gets his head straight. Zoe sidles on over and throws some pretty broad hints out about Rose and how special and adorable she is, while Max mopes about his girlfriend. She comforts him, and he admits that he always has a good luck charm girlfriend (so basically, he’s a playa) and now his is gone. Zoe makes a really vague comment about finding a nice girl, meaning Rose, but he stares at her like he’s just seen an angel. Oh balls. Zoe is oblivious to what she just started and goes to the Rammer Jammer to get some coffee. Wade gives her a gift, and I melt and go awwwww….that is until she opens the gift (wrapped in what appears to be aluminum foil, btdubs!!!) and it’s a fucking neon blue and leopard print thong. That glows in the dark! She is totes unimpressed and he is predictably confused. Shocker!

George shows up at Lemon’s and tells her he needs her help. The judge added 30 guests last-minute and Annabeth sounded freaked and made George doubt her ability to handle it. He begs Lemon for help and she reluctantly agrees.

Zoe meets Rose for dindin and brags about taking care of the team and helping Max see Rose for the adorbs chick she is. All of a sudden a flash mob breaks out, singing a song about a loving a doctor or some nonsense. Zoe is thrilled until it turns out Max (Yep. Rose’s Max) put it together for her and Rose looks pissed. Turns out, Zoe is his new mojo muse, and the whole town expects her to go along with it for the sake of the game. She decides to hide out, but Wade finds her. She is real cranky because some little kid is more romantic with her than the man she is letting in her panties. Wade is totes adorbs, and when Max hunts Zoe down, he gets a wicked grin and a twinkle in his eyes and let’s Max in. Zoe hides behind Wade (and btdubs, I love her outfit! So cute! AND the way she was pressed up against Wade was also sooo cute!) but he pulls her out from behind him and leaves them alone, claiming he doesn’t want to be a third wheel. Asshole. (this is said completely indulgently, with an adoring smile and a loving shake of the head. I LOVE that man!)

Max asks Zoe out on a date but she makes excuses, claiming to have to deliver a baby out-of-town. Just then, Wade pops back in with a cell phone in hand to announce the make-believe expectant mother just delivered her baby and Zoe is no longer needed! Grinning all the while, he just watches Zoe squirm and shoot him death eyes. I literally laughed out loud because it was so perfect and mischievous. Excuse gone, Zoe is trapped and agrees to the date.

Later that night, Lavon has Ruby and her persnickety grandpa over for dinner. He tried to charm him, but all he does is make rude comment after rude comment. Finally, Lavon loses his patience when gramps insults his mama’s cooking. Lavon kicks him out, and as gramps leaves, Lavon hollers “BURT REYNOLDS!!!!” I die laughing at Lavon siccing his pet gator on the old coot. Ruby is pissed, and leaves too. I am still laughing, picturing that huge ass croc chasing them. (I know, I called it a gator and a croc, but to be honest, I don’t even know what Burt Reynolds is, and gators and crocs are pretty much the same thing in my mind, so I’m sure I will switch back and forth willy nilly. Just go with it )

Over at George’s party for the judge, Annabeth has put together a lovely party, but seems to be all kinds of nervous and panicky as she keeps forgetting things. Luckily Cricket is helping out and is right on point. Except she is totally wearing a headset which makes no sense since absolutely no one else is…as she keeps fixing all of Annabeth’s mistakes and changing things without asking, Annabeth realizes only one thing is possible. She snatches the headset and screams Lemon’s name. Lemon stumbles out of hiding holding her ear and tells her George asked her to help. Annabeth lets her stay, but is visibly frustrated as Lemon takes over. When the first dishes are ready to go out, Annabeth starts a prayer circle but Lemon cuts it short to stay on schedule. Annabeth loses it and tells her to stop. It’s her business, her dream, and Lemon is ruining it. She brings up some kiddie gripe about Lemon’s Lemonade stand, and how Lemon shot down her idea of adding Annabeth’s Apple Juice. Which actually sounded adorable. Basically, Annabeth is sick of always being there for Lemon, but Lemon never letting her shine too. It seems like their friendship is on the skids.

Over in the Rammer Jammer, Zoe is having dinner with Max. He brought her a corsage. Eesh. Brick being the delightful fellow he is, sends them a soda and a glass of wine. They order, but Zoe feels the burn of jealousy and anger aimed her way, and looks over to see Rose and her bff giving her lots of bitch face. The bff is real snarky and attitudey, which I like. She totes calls Zoe a cougar, and leave. I’m pretty sure the bff was that Olympic medalist McKayla Maroney. She did good. Zoe is obviously over the charade and after dodging Max the handsy grabs attempts to hold her hand a few times, she breaks it to him gently. He tells her she sucks and she should’ve waited til after the game. Well, damn.

Lavon tries again to win over gramps, who tells him if he wants forgiveness from him, then he has a list of manual labor-heavy chores for him. Sucker.

The next day, Lavon is just finishing the list, and tells gramps he wants his forgiveness. He admits he forgave Lavon long ago, and just wanted someone to do his chores because he’s too cheap to hire someone. His real problem with Lavon is that Ruby is staying in town for him and letting go of her dreams. He feels Lavon is holding her back.

Elsewhere, Zoe walks into the bar to boos and dirty looks. I am flabbergasted, and so is she, that the town is pissed that she is not committing statutory rape. Oh, the charm of small, southern towns. But seriously, I do want to live in Bluebell. It seems so perfect and adorbs.

THE CAT THAT SWALLOWED THE CANARY!!!! I knew it would come to me. Ok, sorry. Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Zoe goes to see Max, who refuses to even play, and gives him a pep talk. Basically, to stop being such a little bitch, and play the damn game. It totally works, but it may have something to do with her tiny little shorts and cute tank top. Eh. Whatever works!

At the bar, Wade is asking Wanda for romantic advice. Sooooo cute! Wonder what he’ll come up with…

George talks to Lemon and Annabeth, and long story short, they decide they will go into business together. Lemon suggests Annabeth’s as a name, and once it’s agreed on, she comments on Annabeth’s lack of argument at the name suggestion. Ha! Hilarious.

Meanwhile, the kids won the football game, everyone thanks Zoe, even Brick, and Max invites Rose to a party. Score!

Lavon and Ruby talk, and although Lavon worries she won’t be happy in Bluebell, Ruby insists all she wants is love. Aww. Too bad Lavon will end up with Lemon. I have willed it!

Zoe goes home, to find a plate of her favorite black and white cookies. Wade comes strolling out of the kitchen, flour on his apron and face, looking so damn adorably nervous. Zoe goes all gooey, duh, and tries them. They suck balls, but Wade has scored all the points he needs to, as Zoe suggests they get naked. I don’t care what anyone says. I think Zoe and Wade are the cutest thing ever and are way MTB. Sorry George.

Who do you want together?

George and Zoe vs Wade and Zoe?   I’m totally all about Zwade

Lavon and Lemon vs Lavon and Ruby? Love me some LnL

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