Arrow: He Remains Sexy As Hell While Laurel Continues to Disappoint as a Human Being

Well folks, I don’t know how much I can talk about this episode. It was really good, but I tend to just stare and drool and Stephen Amell the entire time. Good Lord that man is beautiful. But I’ll do my best to recap.

So to start the episode, Oliver is really hot. Wait, sorry that’s not how it started. It’s how it should have started. Actually, it’s how every episode ever should start, but moving on! The episode begins with a bank being robbed. One of them is wildly angry compared to the other ones, which tells me he’s going to be really hot under his mask. Anyway, there’s a cop amongst the hostages and as he goes for his gun, another hostage starts begging him not to do anything risky. She’s pretty fucking loud about it too, and the cop is like, “Shhh bitch!” But alas, the brash robber overhears them and shoots the guy super a lot. The lady stares at him, like “What the fuck, man?” and he stares back. Umm…what the eye contact?

They escape through the floors before the cops show up, and the angry one takes off his mask. Sure enough, he’s really hot. Drool. Also, surprise! They are a family of robbers and that loud ass hostage chick? The mom! Oh snap!

Speaking of really hot, Oliver is sparring with Dig with sticks or something (who gives a flying hot superhero?! He has NO shirt on!). Oliver is really delicious looking all glistening with sweat, and hey! Dig is kinda yummy body-wise too. Bonus! So when Oliver really embarrasses Dig with awesomeness, Dig tries to change the subject to the robberies. Olliepop is all like, Nope! Not on my dad’s list! And Dig is like, umm…what the hell kind of hero are you? To which my tasty Olliepop replies, “I’m not a hero.” Sexier words never spoken! Nothing hotter than a hero who doesn’t think he’s a hero!

Dig eventually tricks Oliver into going to the hospital to meet the dying cop’s wife. It works because soon Oliver is walking away hollering, “Let’s go catch some robbers!” Umm…discretion much? You’re in a super public place, damn it.
Anyway, elsewhere, that sanctimonious annoyance Laurel is whining because the law office she works with is losing their biggest investor. Oliver’s bestie walks in and makes some pretty obnoxious offers to take her out, all hinting at his obvious wealth. If any member of the audience couldn’t read the HUMONGOUS writing on the wall and see that he was going to help save her law office, please walk away and never return. Except when I post something. Come back then, for sure. But then go away again. Stupid.

Meanwhile, Oliver’s mom, Moira, decided to through a brunch with some former classmate of Ollie’s who was obviously the yardstick by which she measured Oliver’s failings. But since she clearly had something to do with the ship Oliver and his father were on years ago, she’s a pretty craptastic mom, so who cares what she thinks? Brunch is boring,  the perfect son is obnoxious, and I leap for joy when Dig brings Oliver some intel on the robbers. Oliver leaves, but not before his mom tells him he’s a stranger to her, and she doesn’t get why he’s still there. Actually, I don’t either. He obviously needs his own place for privacy reasons. But whatevs, I don’t care if he lived with his mom forever and ever, I’d still marry the fuck out of him. 😀

So turns out the father of the robber family used to work for Oliver’s dad, and got totally screwed over and lost everything. Oliver feels guilty and decides to give them another chance, much to Diggle’s disapproval. But who cares what he thinks? He’s just a sidekick. Actually, I really like him. He gives Oliver the support and understanding he needs, since he takes so much shit from everyone else.

Then Arrow really hurts my feelings by making me see my boo in a less than sexy light with those freaking island flashbacks. I actually like them, since they are super interesting and it helps explain things, BUT my babycakes looks like a homeless Fred from Scooby Doo. Still hot, but that hair is out of control unacceptable! Moving on, during the flashbacks, we see that Oliver was close to giving up but his father’s spirit pretty much lectured him into living and taking responsibility for his father’s mistakes. It also fills in the blanks I had about his dad’s diary. At the start of the season during the first few flashbacks, when they showed the diary, the pages were blank. So I always wondered how my tasty little Olliepop got all those names and such from his dead daddy. But apparently, holding the pages over heat activated some secret ink or something and the pages filled out. Bam! Clarity!

Elsewhere, Oliver’s sister Thea clearly has a crush on Tommy. And of course, Tommy is completely oblivious to it. Sigh. I sense heartbreak on the horizon. And then at the fundraiser Tommy throws for Laurel’s firm, Thea realizes who Tommy is crushing on, and has a miniature drunk tantrum, resulting in embarrassment and points scored with Laurel for Tommy. Oh, the injustice! I hate them together! And Laurel is more and more annoying in each episode, as is her worthless best friend. On a totally unrelated and random note, I ADORE the dorky but super hot tech chick who helps Oliver out in this episode. They should totally be a couple.

Yummy McTastiness goes to see the father of the robbers, Derek, and offers him a job, along with some strongly emphasized advice about making the right decisions. Derek is stubborn and says he’ll never work for them again. But later he goes to his family and tells them he thinks they should quit. But the hot, angry son threatens to go it alone if they don’t do one more job. So they agree to do it, and Oliver, who is no ones sucker, overhears their plan through the bug he planted on Derek before he left their meeting earlier. Pissed at the audacity of Derek ignoring his OLIVEr branch (hahahaha, get it!?) he puts on his serious face, and says they’re gonna catch them some robbers. But first, he has to go to that gala thing too!

Too bad the robbers hit the bank just as he’s bonding with his cranky, treacherous ass mom, and he once again has to blow her off. She basically tells him he sucks as a son and she’s sad and lonely. He nods and leaves.

He puts on his costume and goes hunting for some robbers! Now I use the word “costume” extremely loosely, as it consists of a hooded robe dealy, and some greenish face paint around his eyes. Seriously dude? That’s the best you could do on your billionaire budget? Oh the mortification! But he’s still hot so that’s ok.

The robbers hit their next bank, but the security guard is in hero-mode. He gets knocked the fuck out, and they start robbing the joint. They’re almost done when the angry, hot one hears a noise and goes out to investigate. Arrow kung fu pows him, but he got a freaking riot shield from who the hell knows where, and is holding his own again Oliver. The tide quickly turns and Oliver is whooping that ass with delicious fabulousness, but the stupid guard wakes up and tries to be brave. He shoots at the son, but the dad robber jumps in front of the bullet and is killed. Awww. Sad. See? Crime doesn’t pay. Except for the other son and the mom, who are nowhere to be seen and probably skip town with the money they already stole.

The episode ends with Ollie reaching out to his Mama, and taking her out to eat a tasty burger. Here’s hoping he managed to slip some rat poison into it, since she’s an evil betrayer of hotness!

So there you have it. Check back for the dirt on my favorite boyfriend ever, SUPERNATURAL!!!

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