SOA: Out of Control

Tuesday’s episode of Sons of Anarchy was out of control. Jax and Tara are turning into freaking Clay and Gemma 2.0. Well, Tara is more like Gemma 1.00003. A newer version, but there’s still a lot of kinks to be worked out, and you’d actually prefer the original because the new one is such a fucked up mess. So yeah. Jax is definitely a younger, hotter version (by like 8 million degrees) than Clay, but becoming just as twisted and dark. But still hotter.nThough, I must admit, that’s not saying a lot, since Clay looks like a fucking caveman gorilla.

Remember the good old days when Jax hesitated to kill people, and only wanted to do what’s morally right for him and the club? Now, he’s all shoot shoot, kill kill. It’s kinda sexy, kinda disturbing. Mostly sexy. (Hello, naked lineup at the jail scene anyone?! Did you see his back muscles?! Holy BeJesus.) Back to Jax, this episode finds Jax searching for the humongous black dude who killed Opie in jail (BASTARD!!!), Tara is traveling to see Otto again, Gemma is working Clay, Juice is digging for dirt on Clay, and Clay is weaseling his way out of paying for his betrayals. First Jax finds out that Opie’s killer is hiding out with an ally. Too bad that ally also turns out to be the killer’s cousin. Bobby warns Jax that killing that dude would damage their alliance but I mean really, who gives a fuck? Did you guys see their bikes? All neon and shit. Can’t be a badass motorcycle club, sporting Rainbow Brite colors. Sigh.

But Jax respects Bobby’s opinion and agrees not to take action. Then the stupid idiot comes out and starts shooting at the Sons, and then he HITS THEIR BIKES WITH HIS SUV!!!! Awwww shit, it’s on now. Jax gets in the street in front of the SUV and starts shooting all crazy, and is like, playing chicken with him. He’s standing there all big and tough and suicidal, shooting the SUV, and the killer is barreling toward him, but Chibbs yanks Jax out of the street at the last-minute. What the fuck, Jax? Take care of that hot ass. Grr.

Meanwhile, back in Charming, Eli grabs Juice and takes him to jail, where he tells him Jax knows he’s the snitch. When he and Jax talk, Juice admits everything, and Jax pretty much tells him that he needs to help him find evidence on Clay or Juice is…well…gonna become juice. Literally. Blood juice…sorry.

Off in a parking lot somewhere, Clay is meeting with Galindo or whatever the hell the cartel is called, and making a deal for protection by letting them know Jax is working on getting the RICO case dropped. Too bad it backfires, and the cartel seem pretty interested in putting Clay in charge and getting Jax out of the way. Clay looks upset, like he doesn’t want to hurt Jax, he just doesn’t want to die. Too bad. I’d really like it if he died.

Back to the snitch, Juicey is at Clay’s house rummaging through his crap, looking for proof but Clay shows up. Juice plays it off like he was putting away dishes. Suddenly, Gemma is there with some grocery bags full of food. Probably bananas and dinosaur meat. Because Clay is a gorilla. And a caveman.

Juice starts to leave, but Clay tells him he’s been fighting for something he doesn’t even want. And how Juice is the only reason he’s made it this far. He gives him a big manly hug, and Juice damn near breaks down. His face is ridiculously easy to read, and he looks SO freaking guilty. What the hell kind of criminal can’t lie or hide his own guilt?! Juice probably deserves to die.

Juice takes off, misery and SO MUCH GUILT written all over his face. Gemma is still putting away groceries when Caverilla sneaks up on her and touches her. She freezes and it really looked to me like she is the most unhappy woman in existence. I mean, who wouldn’t be? He’s pretty gross. Not to mention he totally pounded on her and left her all broken and shit. I hate him. Anyway, wearing the face of true sacrifice, Gemma turns and lets him kiss her. Clay, wearing the face of true ickiness, gets all handsy. Shudder. She pulls away, and tries to cover by telling him she wants him to go home with her. I see the disgust in her eyes, and the vomit at the corner of her mouth. They go home, and I’m pretty sure he ruts over her for a bit. I’m sad for her. She’s ruining an amazing relationship with Nero for that grossness, and all because Jax is turning into a cold son of a Gemma.

In jail, Tara is visiting with Otto, acting like last week she didn’t let him sniff her wrist while he jerked off and she played with his hair. Or like she didn’t go home and masturbate to the scent of the perfume and memory of Otto. Real fucking disgusting. He agrees to drop the RICO charges but only if she gets him Luann’s crucifix. She agrees and Gemma find it for her. When she gives it to Otto, he asks for a moment to pray. Yeah, okay. Like she would fall for that…oh….After she leaves, he calls for a nurse, and says he wants to go back to his cell. Tara comes in and is like wait what’s going on. And then Otto pretty much Houdini’s his way free from the bed straps, or just unties them, whatever. He stares at Tara all crazy eyed and while she screams in terror, he plunges the crucifix into the nurses throat repeatedly. I say Kudos, Otto! His RICO testimony gets dropped because of the murder, AND that nurse sure was nosy and bitchy with Tara before. KARMA!!!

Oh yeah, that means since Tara gave him the crucifix, she’s kind of totally an accessory to murder. Awwwww. Her and Jax have SO much in common! Totally MTB!

Unser was around, but he’s also frightening to look at so I tend to avert my eyes. So he did stuff. Umm…oh, yeah! He told the sheriff about Clay, I think.

Meanwhile, Jax met with Pope about investing in Charming Heights or something, and when he did, Pope said he wanted Tiggs soon. Jax was like, ‘kay!  Then Pope told him where Opie’s killer was. Jax got there the same time as his allies, and promised not to kill the killer (teehee) if his ally, we’ll call him Bald, handed over the killer, we’ll call him Giant, to Jax. They agreed and then Jax questioned him, after a quick and pointless chase scene. He gets his info, shares a look with Chibbs, and starts to walk away. Chibbs, being the true Scottish/Irish warrior he is, shoots Giant in the skull. Bobby is pissed and the Bald is angry. Jax is like NBD, and moves on with his life. Afterwards at the clubhouse, Bobby tells Jax that he destroyed an alliance 20 years strong, and Jax blows up and told him that Bobby didn’t understand because he didn’t see the joy on Giant’s face when he killed Opie, and he and Chibb did. Bobby storms off, and Jax tells Chibbs that he needs to know he can count on him. Chibbs tells him he loves him, (manly and fatherly-like, not Venus Van Dam like) and swears he’ll never abandon him. Oh, and Bobby and Jax tell Chibbs about the RICO case and Juice. Actually, that happened like at the beginning. Hmm. None of this was is the right order, but it all happened so same thing!  Umm…I don’t remember what else happens. Besides Tara being a freak and an inconsiderate mom. She told Jax what happened with Otto, (at some point in the day. Idk. Shrug.) minus the masturbation of course, and then when she was alone in the house, she went in the baby’s room and made all kinds of noise til he woke up crying. Then she picked him up and shushed him! Bitch, you made him cry! That girl’s a real hot mess.

Next week’s episode is gonna be crazy, and I’ll be here blogging about it!

Til then, here’s a breakdown of some of my abbreviations. A friend pointed out that she was totally confused by them, and after pointing out that it was because she was lame, I decided to help her out.

MTB= Meant to be

NBD= No big deal

Venus Van Dam= The prettiest, most awesomest (I know it’s wrong, but I write how I want to write!) transexual anyone, especially Tiggs, has ever seen!!!

Caverilla= Caveman mated with a gorilla. AKA Clay. (Sorry, Ron Perlman! Totally love you! Not your face, though…)

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