Revenge is Sweet but Hot Guys Are Sweeter

Sunday on Revenge, Emily tells the truth, Amanda gets defensive and offensive, Nolan goes broke, and Emily’s mom loses her shit. So basically, I don’t remember the order that everything happened in, but I remember the parts I cared about, which is really all that matters. SO, Mason calls that slutty little babymaker Amanda, and tells her he knows she went to juvie with Emily. They agree to meet, and Amanda obviously lies to Jack, who is too damn cute for words. Then she rushes to Emily’s house all crazy-eyed and is like “You fucked up,bitch! Now I gotta handle it!” (When she’s mad, she sounds like an angry pimp for some reason…at least in my head.) So Emily is all “Cool your jets, ya nutjob. Act like a lady damn it.” And convinces that hot mess to go back to her child. Then she sets things in motion all sneaky like, as per usual. Meanwhile, Em’s hot ex goes to Nolan and tells her that the best way to save her is to give the Graysons the proof of David Clark’s investment. Nolan loves his bff and gives it to him.

Back in crazytown,  Mason threatens Amanda when she won’t cooperate, so she makes up some spur of the moment bull about Emily being a psycho stalker. Mason buys it, and invites her to his place like a real moron. Soon after she gets there, the crazy bitch tries to brain him with a crowbar. Emily stops her just in time, and admits to Mason that she’s really Amanda Clark, while simultaneously pointing out that for a supposedly brilliant researcher and author, he did a real crap job figuring out the truth. Those kind of hidden insults will get you far in life. I like her.

So, she enlists him into getting her cuckoo for cocoa puffs mother out of town, and instead he incites her crazy by telling her the truth about David and the Graysons, even though Emily is screeching in his ear to shut the hell up. Way to go, ya moron. That was actually aimed at both Mason and Emily.

The mom heads over to the Graysons all wonky-eyed and shuts down the cameras and holds Victoria and her hubby hostage in their own bedroom, in a house full of people. She’s a real boss. I like her too.
Down the hall and completely oblivious, Daniel tries to stage a coup with the shareholders of Grayson Enterprises. Shrug. Boring.

Em’s hot ex is all set to grab the chick from The Initiative who is there to do stuff (again, boring.) but Em calls him all distraught about her Looney Toons mom and he drops everything to help her out. He totally James Bonds her out of the room before she knows what’s what, and Victoria and Conrad are completely oblivious and having an oddly sweet moment holding hands while they wait to die. Is romance a-blooming for them again?

Back to Mason, he got busted, he’s in jail, and Emily tells him he’ll stay there until she sees fit, and she’ll give him the story of a lifetime. So he confesses like a real patsy-ass idiot. Score like, 100 for Emily. She’s really on a roll of vengeancy awesomeness. Don’t piss her off. She’ll really fuck up your life. And you won’t even know it was her. You’ll do something totally random and it will come back to bite you and send your ass into ruin, and you’ll be all “Curse me! Why did I do this to myself?!” And she’ll be creeping around the corner like a real stalker as per yoozh (my talk for usual…pronounced…well like the beginning of usual, minus the “ual”. Get it? Sigh. Never mind. Just go with it.), smiling her creepy tiny smile, twirling her evil moustache, which is really just a strand of hair held above her lip. Trust me. It’s bad.

So yeah. Her mom left, Victoria and Grayson had a moment, Daniel tried to steal the company and I don’t know what the hell happened with that, Amanda is still slutting it up with Jack who is still completely oblivious to her skanky ways, and Nolan and Rebecca from Greek are still flirting. OH YEAH! I almost forgot the best part! Emily finally gave in to her va-gee and pounced on her hot ex with the dreamy accent. They just kissed, but I know what comes next. Wink nudge wink. They played Risk. What? What did you think they did?

Oh, and BT-Dubs; That whole Gift of Revenge commercial miniseries or whatever was the worst! So dumb and so pointless and not at all interesting. I was super pissed by the end of it because it stole like maybe a total of 6 minutes from my life that could have been spent watching priceless commercials about feminine hygiene products and Walmart. Grr.

 

Check out my next post about…eh. I’m not sure yet. :p

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